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If you’ve been following my writings or podcast for any length of time you’ll know I’m a big fan of asking questions to deepen relationships.

But not just any questions, for despite what your 5th grade teacher told you, there are dumb questions.

Some really dumb ones, even harmful questions that are destructive to relationships.

I’ve conducted workshops on asking meaningful questions, and I’ve aired more than a few podcast episodes on the subject. But I realized recently there’s one aspect of asking questions I’ve never covered.

It’s about the questions Jesus asked.

One source I looked at said the four gospels record 135 questions that Jesus asked people. Hmmm. It makes me wonder if we can learn from how he did it. Is there anything about the type of questions Jesus asks that we can be asking to deepen our relationships.

Jesus asks different kinds of questions

Jesus sometimes asks rhetorical questions, like Can the blind lead the blind?found in Luke 6:39.

He’ll also make a statement in the form of a question, as he does in Matthew 26:40 when he says Could you not watch with me one hour? The statement being something along the lines of “You still have much to learn. You are not as strong as you think you are in standing up the opposition forces of this sinful world.”

One thing we know for sure is that Jesus doesn’t ask questions of people to simply get information. He already knows everything. Seeking information from others rarely deepens relationships.

Meaningful questions benefits those receiving them

Instead, Jesus asks questions to benefit the recipient of his questions. He uses questions to draw people out of themselves to get them to see what is going on in their minds and hearts that they may not realize.

In Matthew 17:25 he asks What do you think, Simon? This simple question is a great one to ask introverts and those who are the most quiet among us. It invites them to put words to their thoughts and feelings. It gives them a voice when they’re among others who dominate conversations.

The question Jesus asks in John 16:31 is similar. but more direct, Do you now believe? It invites his disciples to reveal where they are in their spiritual journey.

Follow-up questions

Then in Mark 8:29 Jesus asks his disciples But who do you say I am? This is a good question to ask people when they don’t answer your question the first time. Just a verse or two earlier, Jesus asks who do you say I am? and his disciples answer what other people are saying about him.

But who do you say I am? is also a great follow-up question. It continues the conversation. The original answer the disciples gave him keeps Jesus at a distance by talking about other people. Jesus keeps it more personal. He wants them to declare what is on their hearts.

We can deepen our relationships when we ask people to reveal what’s on their hearts from time to time. What’s on their minds is easier to discern. Knowing what’s on their hearts will grow a relationship.

What if we all asked people this question?

To finish up, of all the questions Jesus asks, the one I’m drawn to lately is his question in Matthew 20:32, What do you want me to do for you?

Imagine what would happen if we would all ask someone a question like this from time to time. Maybe alter it a bit to “what would you like me to do for you?”

I have a hunch it would deepen our relationships. I wonder if we could all try this, just once a week, and report back to each other in a month.

Until next time, I wish you all the joy that you can wish.*

John Certalic

• The Merchant of Venice, Act III, scene 2

P.S. If you missed last week’s podcast episode, No. 228 “Beyond the Landscape – The Beauty I Saw in Ireland,” you can get it when you click here.